Penny had another breathing episode the other day. It had been months since she needed to be hospitalized. Normally, she gets some kind of mild cold that quickly goes into her lungs. We had been able to manage at home with albuterol through her nebulizer the last couple times and that always seemed to help her catch her breath.
This time however, it happened out of nowhere.
We had a great afternoon at a local farm, playing games and wandering around. She had a blast. We got home, ate dinner and put her to bed. About two hours after she fell asleep, she woke up coughing, to the point that she was gagging. I went in and offered her water but she just wanted to be snuggled. I held her for awhile but she was wheezing. I figured maybe it was allergies from the farm and gave her a breathing treatment. That seemed to help and she fell back asleep. She woke often in the night to cough.
In the morning, she was wheezing again, so I did another breathing treatment. It didn’t seem to help and I was getting worried so I decided to take her to another branch of the pediatrician’s office that has walk-in hours on a Sunday. After driving almost a half hour there, the line was out the door. There was no way she was going to be seen. I turned around and drove back home. I figured I would monitor her and continue treatments. She was upset and crying and tired. I held her in my bed and she dozed off for a little bit.
But soon things became emergent. She seemed in distress. I texted an old friend who is an ER nurse down at CHOP in the city and she urged me to take her somewhere.
I called an ambulance to the house. The local hospital is only 15 mins away but I couldn’t deal with having to strap her in her car seat while so upset and breathing poorly. And I was worried we would have to wait whereas if arriving by ambulance, you are taken right back and they are advised of the situation before arrival.
The ambulance was there within minutes. They strapped her up to the stretcher and monitors and I rode with her. She was looking pale and fell asleep. She woke up and vomited all over herself before falling back asleep.
When we got to hospital they put more monitors on her and changed her into a clean gown. They did lots of tests and took X-rays. She was given multiple breathing treatments and steroids and oxygen. She kept dozing off in between doctor check ins. She vomited again. At one point, she was able to eat an electrolyte ice pop and she loved it.
They diagnosed her with reactive airways disease, which is really just virus induced asthma under the age of 5. After a few hours, her breathing settled and the ER pediatrician gave the okay to be discharged. I really wanted to be able to take her home instead of having to stay overnight which the other doctors were thinking might happen.
As we walked out to the car, her breathing worsened again. I immediately thought we should take her back in. I let myself take her home though, thinking she would do better in her own home and I would just continue her treatments.
She fell asleep in the car and I sat and waited a half hour for her to wake up. She cried for awhile when she did and was hot and sweaty. I regretted not turning back into the hospital. I did another breathing treatment and got her to eat something before getting her to bed.
Over the next two days, she got breathing treatments every 4 hours, day and night. She was a trooper with the overnight treatments. I really thought she would struggle with falling back asleep but she went right back down every time. She is also receiving oral steroids twice a day.
I had a follow up appointment with her pediatrician today. Because of her newly diagnosed asthma, and with cold and flu season gearing up, she will be on inhaled steroids twice a day indefinitely. This will hopefully act as a preventive measure for any colds she catches so it won’t immediately attack her lungs and we can manage with breathing treatments at home when needed and hopefully avoid hospital visits.
She is such a trooper. Even the morning after her hospital visit; after I’d woken her up multiple times that night for treatments; she was happy to see me and asking for Lucky Charms.
There is nothing sadder than seeing your kid sick, and nothing scarier than when they can’t breathe right.
I’m thankful she is resilient and wants to play Barbies even when she’s not feeling well. I’m thankful she is patient with me, even when I’m not with her. I’m thankful she takes her treatments in stride for the most part. I’m thankful to be a stay at home mom so I can take care of her and not have other things to worry about. I am thankful for my hardworking husband who doesn’t snap back at me when I lose my temper in moments of stress and who provides for us so that money is not a thought when it comes to Penny’s care.
I am not always the greatest daughter or friend or wife but I have given my whole self into being Penny’s mom and I know at least, I am a good mom most of the time. I am not always a person that I recognize anymore, but I hope Penny will always see that she came first. I hope she doesn’t remember when I’ve gotten upset with her or been short with her. Sometimes the guilt is suffocating. I lost a lot of who I was when I had Penny and that means different things on different days.
But I want nothing more than for my daughter to be happy and healthy and to always feel that she was wanted and loved.
I am hoping this treatment plan will keep her out of the hospital as much as possible. As annoying as it is to do nebulizer treatments twice a day indefinitely with a toddler, it is a step in the right direction.
❤
My Dink Life 